your boldness stands alone in the wreck
by particularly good finder
Summary: When Kurt says, "I'm fine," Finn knows he should be worried.


Ok alright fine

**This comes from the prompt from **ChrystalMart. **angstangstangst!fest**

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_weep for yourself, my man,_  
**you'll never be what is in your heart**

:-:

Kurt was the favorite target of the hockey team. He knew it, they knew it, and the glee club knew it. The fashionable diva suffered daily at the fat, ugly hands of the fat, ugly boys, and no one – not even Finn and Puck and Matt and Mike – could stop them. They tried, of course, but after a while not a single boy was willing to risk his chances at a football scholarship to engage in physical violence with his friend's tormentors.

But they _were_ there to clean him up, every time. Usually it was Finn or Mike, but Matt and Puck had helped on plenty of occasions. The girls stood back, furious but unable to help as Figgens (aware of Kurt's sexuality or not) had banned him from the girls' room. Mercedes had burst into the boys' room on more than one occasion, usually followed by Tina and Quinn, but those awkward events lessened once Finn assured her he knew how to a) wash slushie out of hair, b) bandage injuries, and c) trash-talk homophobes like nobody's business until Kurt was smiling again.

As junior year progressed, and Kurt snatched himself a boyfriend, the bullying seemed to get worse. The slushies were daily, the dumpster dives tri-weekly, and the verbal insults never-ending. Finn found himself washing ice and corn syrup out of his almost-stepbrother's hair almost every day, until he just waited in the boys' room after every class, like clockwork. One would think that Sam (the bane of Finn's existence and the boy of Kurt's dreams) would be there too, holding his boyfriend's hand as Kurt bitched about which asshole had slushied him today, but no. No boyfriend in sight. Ever.

After cleaning up their friend after so many dumpster dives and small scuffles, the glee club slowly learned how to interpret Kurt's condition. When asked how he was, there were always three answers the boy would give. The three, almost a code, showed how he _truly_ was, and told the asker if they should be worried.

"I'm okay."

This was the one that made Quinn let out a sigh of relief and slowed down Mike's racing heartbeat. It meant that Kurt was fine. Mildly injured, perhaps, but nothing to fuss about. Maybe a bad bruise or a bloody nose, but nothing broken, no concussions; most of the time it accompanied slushie-facials, where the only thing damaged was Kurt's wardrobe.

"I'm alright."

This worried Matt and Puck, and usually caused Tina to panic a little. This phrase was always followed with a trip to the nurse's office and, sometimes, the hospital. Usually Kurt just suffered from sprained muscles, but sometimes, as they all had learned, the dumpster dives ended with broken ribs and concussions. But it was never enough to make Kurt back down.

"I'm fine."

This phrase, though, as rare as it was, was enough to send Mercedes into hysterics and cause Finn to shake in anxiety. It meant Kurt was far from fine. Finn had only ever heard it once, after a horrible experience in the locker room that could have ended disastrously if Coach Tanaka had not stepped in last minute. Though the physical damage was only bad enough to be ranked as an, "I'm alright," the emotional trauma of the death-threats and the near sexual assault was enough to send Kurt into a state of panic and depression. Finn had had to carry the slender boy from the room, half-dressed in his Cheerios uniform. The image of his almost-stepbrother shaking and sweating in his arms saying, "I'm alright. I'm alright," repeatedly haunted Finn, and he desperately hoped to never see Kurt like that again.

:-:

_weep little lion man,_  
**you're not as brave as you were at the start**

:-:

So when Finn found Kurt in the backseat of his car, choking on his sobs, the taller boy desperately, _desperately_ hope that he was "okay." "Alright," would have been good. Anything but "fine."

"Kurt?"

The small boy froze, swallowing back his tears. He looked up, a neutral look on his face. If it weren't for the red in his eyes or the glimmer on his cheeks, Finn would never have guessed his friend was crying.

"Yes, Finn?"

The taller boy chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Are you okay?"

_Please, please, please, please, please be okay_.

"I'm fine, Finn."

_Oh, no. Oh, god, no._

"What happened?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

Finn sat down on the floor of Kurt's backseat, grabbing his friend's shoulders. "What happened?"

Kurt shrugged, looking away. "Oh, just the usual. Verbal bantering, threats to bash my face in. Nothing new. I guess I'm just PMS-ing today."

His awkward laugh was lost on Finn. "You're lying."

Kurt's forced smile dropped, leaving him looking lost and angry. "I'm not. Why would I lie about being called a fag for the millionth time in my life?"

That hit a little close to home, and Finn almost considered leaving, but there was something seriously, horribly wrong with Kurt. His clothes were rumpled and covered in dirt and a dark bruise was forming on his cheek.

"Who was it?" Finn asked, tugging nervously at the hem of his jeans. The tattered material normally irked Kurt to no end, but the small boy was silent as Finn pulled another little string off in his worry.

"Oh, I don't know, a couple of the hockey players. The big one and the ugly one," he said, rolling his eyes. Finn swallowed, recognizing his friend's sarcasm (a skill he learned sharing a room with the boy). This wasn't good. Kurt really didn't want Finn to know what happened.

"You're lying."

"Why do you keep saying that? Why would I lie?" Kurt sounded annoyed and exhausted and scared as he practically shrieked at Finn.

"Because it's true. Something happened – something bad – and you won't tell me."

Kurt sighed, leaning back against the pristine leather interior of his car, uncaring for once if he smudged some of the dirt from his clothes on the spotless seats. "I'm fine."

Finn pounded his fist against the door. "NO! You're NOT! Stop _lying_!"

The slender boy whimpered at the sight of his almost-stepbrother in such a rage, cowering back in fear. Finn's anger disappeared, replaced quickly by remorse and utter worry.

"Kurt, I'm sorry. But I'm worried about you."

"I-it's okay. I-I-I guess I can tell you…"

"What happened, Kurt?"

:-:

_rate yourself and rake yourself,_  
**take all the courage you have left**

:-:

"I…Sam lied to me, Finn. He didn't love me. It was just a sick, sick joke."

Finn took Kurt's hands, squeezing them gently. "I'm sorry, man. I'm _really_ sorry."

He wasn't. He was so incredibly relieved that Kurt was done with Sam (the bastard). Of course, Finn hated that Kurt's heart was broken, but he'd warned him against dating the asshole (not that he'd ever bring that up again; that argument had woken up the entire neighborhood and had Finn sleeping on the couch for two weeks).

"It's not just that, Finn…"

Finn's heart sped up again. What did Sam do now? Slushie him, beat him up, (dare he say it?)…. rape him?

"What?"

Kurt swallowed, face pale and lips trembling. "Well…we…I…I lost my virginity to him, Finn. And he videotaped it, without my knowledge. He gave the tape to the hockey team…it'll be all over school tomorrow. They cornered me, shoved video-stills in my face, shoved me into the locker, threatened to rape me, said I must like it rough, said they'd give me rough…"

His voice broke, and the tears came again. "A-a-and he was there, laughing. Just laughing at me. After everything he told me…he said he loved me! But he just laughed with the others, saying I had to be desperate to fuck a guy I'd been dating a month. I thought I loved him…I trusted him. I trusted him, Finn! Oh, god, I feel so dirty…I'm so pathetic."

:-:

_tremble for yourself, my man,__  
_**you know that you have seen this all before**

:-:

Finn shook with anger, noticing the blood beneath Kurt's fingernails. The more he looked at his friend, the more he realized how hurt the boy was, how broken. The bruise on his face seemed darker, more menacing, now that he could see Kurt had to fight his way out of the school.

"I'm going to kill him."

Kurt sighed impatiently though his sobs. "Don't even, Finn. The last thing I need is for this to get back to my father. He can't ever know."

"I'm going to kill him."

:-:

_tremble little lion man,_  
**you'll never settle for any of your scores**

:-:

"I'm not kidding, Finn. Just drop it."

The taller boy scowled, pulling Kurt closer to him. Kurt sobbed harder, soaking Finn's shirt. "No. That bastard hurt you. I'm going to hurt him. Just let me text Puck and Matt and Mike-"

"Don't. Don't involve them. The less of this that reaches Mercedes and Quinn, the better, and you _know_ what a blabbermouth Matt is around those two."

Finn sighed, resting his cheek on Kurt's head. "Why can't I hurt him? Why can't we make him suffer?"

Kurt sobbed again. "Just…stop talking, Finn. We can't hurt him because he'll hurt _you_. You can't take on the entire hockey team, plus half of the football team. I won't let that happen."

The taller boy clamped his mouth shut, swallowing back retorts. Kurt was trying to calm his crying, breathing in and out slowly and erratically. It seemed to work at times, but then the sobs relapsed, and the silence between the boys was once again drowned out with gasps and cries of misery.

:-:

_your grace is wasted in your face,_  
**your boldness stands alone among the wreck**

:-:

Finn took the time Kurt was using to calm down to study his friend's face. He really was very pretty. His skin was so smooth and pale and soft-looking that Finn couldn't resist the urge to touch it. He wiped away one of Kurt's tears, his rough, calloused thumb dragging unevenly across the porcelain surface. The boy's red-rimmed eyes were beautiful, too, a sort of sad, blue-green color. They reminded Finn of the ocean, even though he had never been to the beach, in the way they changed color. When the sun was shining and Kurt was content with life, they were a bright blue, ringed with green. When he was angry, they changed to a deep, dark blue that honestly scared the crap out of Finn. But when he was sad, on days like today, they were sea green, sparkling with tears. Even in his pain, Kurt was pretty.

And he was so…_bold_. He took his beauty and shouted it from the rooftops, flaunting himself with tight jeans and avant-garde sweaters, masking his broken psyche with bright colors and ridiculous outfits. No one would ever guess that Kurt Hummel was crying on the inside.

And Finn couldn't understand how he never saw it before now. He knew he wasn't the brightest bulb, but for Pete's sake, he lived with Kurt! He was with him 24/7! He should have known.

:-:

_it was not your fault but mine_  
**and it was your heart on the line**

:-:

He should have known.

He should have known that Kurt was affected by the bullying more than he let on. That all of his _I'm okay_'s and _I'm alright_'s would add up until this one last blow became an _I'm fine_. He should have fought harder, should have punched Sam's lights out the moment he ever talked to Kurt. He should have stopped this.

He should have known.

:-:

_I really fucked it up this time_  
**didn't I, my dear?**

:-:

Finn gnashed his teeth, tightening his hold on Kurt. The smaller boy had slowed his crying, and now sniffled quietly in his almost-stepbrother's arms.

"Finn?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

Kurt sniffed again. "Don't try to blame yourself for this, okay? I _know_ you. This was all on me, okay. I should have listened to you about Sam. I should have listened to you about not blending in. I should have just listened to you, Finn. You were right."

Finn rested his chin on Kurt's perfectly coifed head, jaws trembling from clenching them so tightly. He wasn't right. He _wasn't_. He couldn't have been. He _shouldn't_ have been.

"Finn?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Kurt. I'm fine."

:-:

**didn't I, my dear?**

:-:

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**I **_**was**_** going to do something rape-related, but since I just did that in my story **_**how violently alone I feel**_**, I decided this was close enough. And it went with the song better. Review please!**


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